"let your fears go, you may find that you're not lost..."

I argued with myself.  'Should I go?  Why shouldn't I?  Nah, I shouldn't go.  That's stupid.   It's too far.  You don't know where you're going.  You've never done this before.  Yeah I'm not gonna go.  I'm just gonna go home.  No, I should go.  Yeah I'm gonna go.  Ah maybe I shouldn't.  Ok, I'm gonna do it.'
After work I raced home, unloaded the unnecessaries from my car, emptied my backpack, repacked it, changed into sweatpants and a sweatshirt, and I was off and running.  Time of departure:  6:30pm.

I drove.  And I drove and I drove and I drove.  Made a few (very) quick stops:  caffeine reload at a Starbucks in Soledad, a gas station in I-Don't-Even-Know-Where for a pee.  I took the 101, crossed over through Stockton, landed on the 5, and I drove.  The music I was listening to transitioned as I made my journey:  old techno burned cds I made when I was a teenager, hip-hop I liked back then, then eventually I started grabbing random cds out of my cd case (because it was so dark I couldn't see them) and playing them.  Then I let my cd player rest for a bit while I scanned through whatever surrounding radio stations I could pick up along the road.  More hip-hop.  Then as I got closer to Sacramento I landed on a classical station and didn't change it.  My mood shifted.  The cd case opened back up and I pulled out my  Moulin Rouge soundtrack.  Had to hear Ewan McGregor singing "Come What May" (a few times).  I saw my final exit.  Up over the freeway, down the hill, running along the edge of Sacramento suburbia.  Left turn, immediate right, another left, another right.  Curve to the left, straight ahead.  Quick right turn.  Parked.  Engine shut off.  I sat for a moment.  Then promptly sprang out of my seat, closed my door, and leaned against the side of the car.  Standing on a street three hundred miles from home wondering what the hell I'm doing with my life.  Time of arrival:  10:40pm.


Mile markers:
Fear.  Excitement.  Anxiety.  Exhaustion.  Anger.  Thoughtfulness.  Doubt.  Hurt.  Sadness.  Peace.  Joy.  Reminiscence.  Contentment.  Ad nauseum.

Items of note:
I need to do this more often.
I need to listen to myself when the "shoulds" and "should nots" come into play.
I want to be a stunt driver.

You won't get lost.  You're taking the scenic route.

 Old Soul Co. coffee shop

 the flats found Sac Town

 A necessary thing

 Cool chair (and the girls are on...you guessed it...Facebook)

 James, the long-haired bartender at Pangaea Cafe

 Just a few of the neighborhood beer patrons

Napkin art drawn by Sean McC

"..heaven.."

"I can get to heaven / Walking out in the streets at night / Pushing my soul into the open wind / And in a daze I've been there / In a daze I begin to see the way..."  Heaven by Jes

These lyrics struck me just now in such a way that it made me realize this is probably one of the best ways to describe how people watching makes me feel.  I feel so at peace with the world:  the people, the air, the sun, the sky, the sounds, the smells!

I think we forget how amazing life is:  how blue the sky is, how teal the ocean is, how vibrantly-colored flowers are, how intoxicating a laugh is, how contagious a smile is.

Something I've started focusing on / being more aware of when I'm walking about is smell.  I breathe in everything, as much as I can.  Absorb emotions and feelings and words into my bloodstream.  I breathe in life and exhale peace.

Breathe.