Saturday, June 18, 2011

"even if you're awake..."

I have never regretted anything more than the choice I made in May of last year.  I'm not one to regret anything, ever.  But this...this I regret.  I was stupid.  I was foolish.  I...I didn't really know what I was thinking.  I wasn't thinking.  Something was blocking my brain and I ruined...everything.  And now... I live alone.  I only get her on the weekends.  And I hate it.  I HATE IT.  Every time she leaves I cry.  I cry and I cry and I cry.  Life loses its luster when she's gone.  I just force myself to trudge through the work week so I can make it to that twenty four hours I get to spend with her.

I want her back.  I want him back.  I want my life back.  I want my family.

This isn't living.
This is dying.