©2006-2010 ~LadybirdM
When I did a search for the word "Love," this was the first image that came up (on deviantart.com), so I decided to run with it.
Whenever I write a blog entry, I feel like I should write something, but the rest of me is just sort of going, 'Meh.' It's weird. Like, I really want to write more, put more out there, but I seem to be hard-pressed to find anything interesting/thought-provoking/positive enough to blog about at length. Let us perhaps discuss the lately goings-on in my life.
I'm trying to find a new place to live. Yeah. Again. Living with my sister has been fine, I can't believe how open she was to it and how great she's been about it all, but it's just so damn far from town, and I'm always having to go places, so I'm just BURNING through my gas. Plus, it's her house and it's all her stuff, so bringing a chaotic younger sister and her rambunctious three year old daughter into it is pretty intense. I just want to have a place that I can come home to, where I can unload all my shit, and Suraya can run around, and have it feel more ...whole? As whole as it can be for being 'single mom' status I suppose. I've given myself the options of renting a room from someone or trying to find a dinky little place that I can pay for by myself. I would really prefer just to have my own place, even if it's a ridiculously small studio, I don't care. We'll see how it goes.
When I did a search for the word "Love," this was the first image that came up (on deviantart.com), so I decided to run with it.
Whenever I write a blog entry, I feel like I should write something, but the rest of me is just sort of going, 'Meh.' It's weird. Like, I really want to write more, put more out there, but I seem to be hard-pressed to find anything interesting/thought-provoking/positive enough to blog about at length. Let us perhaps discuss the lately goings-on in my life.
I'm trying to find a new place to live. Yeah. Again. Living with my sister has been fine, I can't believe how open she was to it and how great she's been about it all, but it's just so damn far from town, and I'm always having to go places, so I'm just BURNING through my gas. Plus, it's her house and it's all her stuff, so bringing a chaotic younger sister and her rambunctious three year old daughter into it is pretty intense. I just want to have a place that I can come home to, where I can unload all my shit, and Suraya can run around, and have it feel more ...whole? As whole as it can be for being 'single mom' status I suppose. I've given myself the options of renting a room from someone or trying to find a dinky little place that I can pay for by myself. I would really prefer just to have my own place, even if it's a ridiculously small studio, I don't care. We'll see how it goes.
And now I'm in the process of trying to find an income. Yay! Now that Twelfth Night is ending, I'll be able to get a night job somewhere; won't be able to do any more shows or have a social life, but that's not really a priority right now. I've pretty much been meaning to do this for the past year, but now it really needs to happen. I need money, like really need it. I need a place on my own, and I've gotta have an income. I mean, I have one job now, but it's only 1 day a week with no room for expansion, so I've gotta get more hours in with something. Honestly I'm kinda looking forward to getting a second job just to learn a new/different experience, meet more new people; I'm determined to make it interesting.
And as far as really nitty gritty, personal, emotional, and relationship stuff goes...Hell, I don't even know. *sigh* I tell you what, something I'm finally coming to terms with is how much I probably ought to be single right now. Not like having a relationship is a huge burden, but I want to be in one for the right reasons. I don't want to feel like I "need" to be with someone, or have to "rely" or "depend" upon them for anything, other than basic love and general support. It's not like I'm a user, or anything, I just...don't know what to do. Or rather, just don't know how to go about it? It's all the "shoulds" versus "wants" versus "desires" versus "needs."
Do you ever feel like you read something about someone, or see someone do something, and you think to yourself, 'My goodness, I would never do anything like that!' and then sort of realize that you are like that? It makes me sad. Such as, I've always thought of myself as a fairly selfless, intelligent, and kind person, but I sort of tend to not be those things, and it worries me. Am I like that snooty bitch you see walking down the street? Or that asshole who only speaks in snarky comebacks? Or that stupid, ignorant person who is oblivious to everything around them?
Life.
Who'd've guessed, eh?
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