"these are the fortune days"

floating.  dancing.  jumping off the currents in the air.  breaking (dancing).  flowing.  glowing!  smiling?!  sore.  bendy?  wendy!  excitement.  breath.  words.  air.  water.  smooooooooth.  DROP.  go.  sleep.

life as we don't know it

live.  experience.  love.  cry.  laugh.  shout!  be.  out there.  get out there.  do that thing you've always wanted to do.  go to that place you've always wanted to go.  be with that person you want to be with.  be the you.  invest in you.  do it all.  all of it.  with every fiber of your being.  every cell, every molecule of your body and mind and soul.  go!  do!  see!

"All at once everything is different, now that I've seen you..."

I don't know what it is, but ever since I was a kid, I've always had this random vision...

I've always been obsessed with movies involving the lead male character being saved by the lead female character, examples being Beauty and the Beast and Tangled.  And so that imagery and/or event has been implanted in my mind, and over the years it's created this vision in my head of saving a man in my life that is very dear to me.  No, it's no one specific, but the image of said man certainly is inspired by the prominent males in my life.  I don't know why it's so important to me, and I don't think I've ever talked about it before, but seeing a female character save the male character strikes such a huge chord with me.  It's really strange...

Anyone need saving?

"Change your mind..."

What is it about a kiss that can be so dangerous...

You meet someone.  It's edgy.  It's mysterious.  It's adventurous.  It's scary.  It's thrilling.  It's invigorating.  It's terrifying.  Then, you kiss that person.  This person, this being, this physical representation of the soul within that you've been yearning for.  Everything that you've done, not done, thought and not thought has lead up to that point.  Time stops for a second, just enough for everything to slow down and go silent.  Edges blur, colors soften, everything becomes bathed in a soft glow.  You hear a single heart beat.  Just one.  And it's like...it's like an almost unfathomable force comes storming down like thunder and lightning being hurled from the clouds by Zeus himself, and breaks through a wall made of solid steel and diamond and every other combination of all the hardest substances known and unknown on this Earth.  And all you have left...is rubble.
Now, everything changes.

Your move...

A Script

Scene: Rationality enters kitchen, stage left; Spontaneity already sitting at kitchen table.

Rationality: yawns Morning...
Spontaneity: Maaaaaaaan, you missed it last night.
R: sleepily Now what?
S: leans back in chair Time of Our life man, time of Our life.
R: approaches table and slumps into chair You always say that.
S: pours cup of coffee for R Well? It's true, isn't it?
R: Yeah, I guess. But still. You know me.
S: grins And you know me.
S: So...what did you think?
R: I dunno, I'm not really sure how I feel about it yet.
S: slightly taken aback Are you serious? One of the best night's of Our life, and you're "not really sure how you feel about it?" Come on dude.
R: looks at S incredulously
S: Alright, alright, I know, I know.
[a pause]
R: I mean...well...I did have fun--...
S: See! Knew you would.
R: Well, yeah, but...
S: No. No no no no no no no. No more but's.
R: But I--
S: No! What did I say?
R: But I just--
S: Rash...
R: Alright, alright...
[both sip coffee in silence]
R: hesitates She...she was beautiful wasn't she.
S:  gets up from chair and smacks R on the back, downs last bit of coffee  Now THAT'S what I wanted to hear.  See you in a bit.
[S grins and exits stage left]
R:  ...She was beautiful...
[R finishes coffee, gets up and exits stage left]

Scene:  the bedroom, focus on vanity with mirror; a spotlight showcases the mirror
R:  looking into mirror  Well, there's always tonight...
S:  winks back

to be continued...

"even if you're awake..."

I have never regretted anything more than the choice I made in May of last year.  I'm not one to regret anything, ever.  But this...this I regret.  I was stupid.  I was foolish.  I...I didn't really know what I was thinking.  I wasn't thinking.  Something was blocking my brain and I ruined...everything.  And now... I live alone.  I only get her on the weekends.  And I hate it.  I HATE IT.  Every time she leaves I cry.  I cry and I cry and I cry.  Life loses its luster when she's gone.  I just force myself to trudge through the work week so I can make it to that twenty four hours I get to spend with her.

I want her back.  I want him back.  I want my life back.  I want my family.

This isn't living.
This is dying.

favorite / things

scotch / pancakes
peanut butter / pickles
laughter / tears
clothes / skin
music / breathing
fingers / heartbeats
vodka / tonic
running / away / towards
paint / canvas
ears / shoulders
friends / love